7 Types of People Who Bring Positive Humiliation - Learning from Martial Arts
Originally published on June 30, 2013 on 7MTJ - 7 Mindset Tips Journal
This is a very old blog post that comes from my first blog in 2013. Nostalgia made me put it back here.
Note: This article explores the concept of “positive humiliation” in the context of martial arts philosophy and personal growth, distinct from harmful forms of humiliation. The term refers to experiences that foster humility and learning rather than degradation or harm.
What is Positive Humiliation?
In the many lessons that martial arts training teaches you, a recurrent element is humility through real experiences. Humility is not only good for you because it casts away the harmful effects of pride, keeps you vigilant even after major achievements, and helps you focus on the present self instead of comparing with a past image. Humility is somehow a necessary social attitude, because otherwise the resistance of egos would decrease our chances of common survival as a society.
When discussing humiliation, common culture often gives it a negative view, which relates mostly to the harsh behavior of the one who humiliates, and the shock of pain on the ego of the humiliated. On top of this contrast in mindset, humiliation is rarely considered as a basis of relationship between two individuals, especially because it has to do with forced submission from one individual to another.
Yet, if we return to the etymology of the word humiliation, there is no real reference to the pain caused “after the shock on ego,” but mainly a word about increase of humility. Therefore, beyond the usual master-slave model triggering humiliation, one could imagine humiliation happening in other relationships—for example in master-student relationships, rivalry, or learner-life interactions. In those latter cases, pride is no longer the target feeling; humility is. Consequently, humiliation becomes an event aligned with goals, and should be considered positive.
7 Types of People You Meet in Life (in Martial Arts Context)
Here are profiles of people you regularly encounter during your martial arts journey, and who will naturally foster humility in you. It is then up to you to make the humiliation positive or not, by avoiding the “basic proud reaction” and embracing the “humility mindset.” If you have not met any of them, I suggest you seek them out, as each one can be a source of inspiration.
1. Older People in Better Physical Shape
Whether you’re in your twenties, thirties, or seventies, you regularly meet older men or women with far better physical skills. The first excuse mentioned by proud people (to preserve their egos) is that these older-fitter people probably wasted their lives in training, instead of living a pleasurable life, and that “if they (the proud) practiced the same amount of time, results would be the same or even better.”
While ego preservation might feel comfortable, one can better benefit from the encounter: first by asking yourself “Even if long consistent training made this old person in shape, am I ready to train and work the same amount? If not, why is my envy (or jealousy) inconsistent with my readiness?”
Key Learning: Older and fitter people are inspiration for patience, consistency, and discipline over time. They show you not to rely only on circumstances (in this case, the natural biological advantages at a given age) but that behavior is the real difference maker when defining the self. They are also sources of inspiration for their training experience.
2. Talented Younger People
Remember the time when you started learning an instrument, and that very same day, you saw a 5-year-old child on YouTube playing better than what you could achieve in 5 years of daily training? These are the kinds of “prodigies” you often meet in martial arts, at different scales of course, but there is always someone who has spent less time learning/training than you and who masters your tasks far better.
The usual pride reaction to these people (regardless of actual age, but surely with less training) is to mention that there is far more than the observable results in the execution, and that they still lack something that you have earned.
Key Learning: A more constructive approach would be first to admit the speed of youth as part of world improvement (remember Armstrong’s “I hear babies crying, I watch them grow, they’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know”). Second, this is also the opportunity to study all the improvements in learning methods between you and “the kid,” and humble yourself to potentially change your training habits. Ultimately, meeting younger talented people also takes the result away from social comparison and reminds you of its personal aspect, in which you should not pride yourself for achievements but rather focus on present willpower.
3. People Who Don’t Fit Your Standard Visual Models
When encountering someone very overweight, or very slim, you do not need words to signal to others that given your (supposedly average) shape, you hold better performances. Such effortless comparison easily fosters pride, and there is no wondering why “visual contempt” is the most frequent trap we may fall into.
Yet, as much as you can be mistaken when relying only on age, you cannot trust your eyes to fully determine a level of performance.
Key Learnings:
- Do not trust appearances
- Do not measure your training on how you look, but rather on function, and ultimately on willpower
- Do not care about comparison of performance between individuals, but rather between you and your past self
- The first thing that should come to mind is opening your heart to help people get healthier—if someone requires your help, this is where your experience can actually serve life; forget the comparison
4. People Simultaneously Faster, Stronger, More Skilled, More Humble, and Especially More Determined
No matter the appearances or circumstances, you will meet people with better performance levels. Instead of looking for weakness, look for inspiration. Listen to their story, open your mind to what you may have missed in your past and learn. Also, accept that people can have a past which is more disciplined than yours—that does not keep you from growing your willpower right here and right now.
Key Learning: Better people should not make your own past a burden; they should not be a pressuring force on your future, but an inspiration for your spirit in the present.
5. People Who Have Chosen Different Fighting Styles
In Shaolin Kung Fu, there are far more forms and styles than what a person can learn and absorb, even when training a whole life full time. One has to make a choice. By making a choice, you accept that there is no absolute mastery; you accept that you will not be able to explore it all in order to compare. Somehow, you accept your mortality, and understand that you are not alone in such conditions.
There are boundaries to any comparison, even in so-called “complete” competitions (including body, mind, spirit, wealth, success, etc.). These boundaries are incredibly small when compared to the broad scope of life. Therefore, your path should not be fully conditioned by comparisons.
Key Learning: There is no ultimate fighting style, and there is no ultimate fighter, just as there is no ultimate instrument or ultimate musician. Care about the music, and humility will follow.
6. Prouder People
As far as I am concerned, pride has been one of my major weaknesses. Growing as a shy child with good grades and overall comfortable life, I did not have (and I did not seek) enough opportunities to fail or to encounter constructive pain or risky challenges. My luck brought me compliments from others, and I had not figured out what pride took away from me until I met people prouder than me.
I could not tell if their pride was deserved, but surely I can state that it was not serving them and was even harmful to them. I also figured out that I was on the path to reach their amplitude of pride, and that this was the opportunity to learn from others’ mistakes.
Key Learning: In a way, I am thankful to them for this indirect lesson and indirect humiliation.
7. People Who Need You Without Needing Your Pride
Even within my short and unofficial experience of martial arts or physical training, I had the incredible honor of meeting people who asked me for advice, teaching, or mentoring. On the first course I gave, I understood that even beyond aforementioned wrong consequences of being proud, such behavior was just incompatible with the responsibility of serious sharing and teaching.
I used to propose physical training or teaching myself to some people, but later I figured out that these were only hidden attempts to show how good I was in comparison to them. Only when the request did not come from me, but from the future trainee, did I understand that when you answer someone’s call for help, showing off is just far too inconsistent with the objectives.
Key Learning: True teaching comes from responding to genuine requests for help, not from ego-driven demonstrations of superiority.
Conclusion
Each type of person we encounter offers a unique opportunity for growth and humility. The key is recognizing these encounters as chances for positive humiliation—moments that can strip away our pride and replace it with genuine humility and wisdom.
By embracing these experiences rather than defending our egos, we transform potential sources of frustration or jealousy into catalysts for personal development and deeper understanding.
Have a smiling day!